..Who I'm finding it difficult to care for again.
Except ofcourse, in the sense that I wish if he would surrender to Allah, and save his eternal self from eternal hellfire.
If my friend reads this he'd most probably feel hurt by my cold feelings. Maybe it is best to let sleeping dogs lie and simply pretend to like him like before, but every now and again, the moral dilemma gets replayed in my conscience.
Would it be more faithful and loyal as a friend for me to do the exact opposite and bring out all the glaring things that he's doing wrong? to tell him time and again without relent that if he dies as he is right now, claiming that there is no God that he'll be committing the most calamitous disaster upon himself, and never ever feel any joy or happiness again? that he will NOT be void and finished, that he'll be brought to Allah and thrown as a worthless heap of corrupt flesh in Jahannam where he'll rightly belong, never dying, never living, forever receiving searing pain and suffering, and I won't say "endure", because no one will be able to endure any of it.
To hide all of this terrible fate and to stop telling him about it would mean that him and I can resume having amusing 15-minute phone talks about humorous nonsense in the time being. That we can go out and have longer chats over dinner with lots of fun and laughs.
But it would all be in bad faith from me. I'd be buying my own amusement for the price of lying to him, as if I'm "fine" and "unphased" by the horrific fate he's threatened of ending up in every minute of his life that passes carrying the possibility of sudden death.
I tried to ignore his calls and avoiding him so to distance myself from the dilemma. But it never really left me. And as he kept on reaching out for me tentatively as his old friend, I found myself again in his company.
I fear something else as well.
What if by keeping the issue in frozen ice and avoiding it as much as possible in order to maintain mirth and laughter, what if by doing that, I start eroding my own faith and love for Allah. It has been said that "man 3aashar ilqawm 40 yawm.."
If you stop protesting the evil long enough, you slowly start accepting it.
Your soul can NOT exist in an undetermined state. If you don't work to decide it, it will get decided for you. decided how? without you actually actively doing something to accept the evil? well by not rejecting the evil yourself. that's how.
The sa7aaba who were riding back with irrasool PBUH from Tabouk simply wanted to engage in "harmless" fun and they said a joke about the other sa7aaba who were "readers" of ilQur'an. that they were cowards in time of war, and big bellied in time feast. And what was the result of that?
Qur'anic verses came down about them proclaiming for all to hear, that they have committed "kofr". "la ta3tathero faqad kafartom ba3d eemaanikom." so they were NOT munafiqeen, they used to be faithful. but they neglected their faith, and let themselves slide back out of it. la 7ola wala qowa illa billah.
Being faithful is a full-time job is what I conclude. mainly conclude it for myself. And I am left with both intense fear, and also, intense hope that Allah will help me do it. as it is He who made me think these thoughts, and it will be only Him who'll help me execute them in my reality.
o Mbaarak 3alaikom eshahar :)